Craft Services -Or- "Would You Like Fries With Your Dialogue?"
Producer/Co-Writer/Craft Services Manager
At least I know how I became co-writer for the movie: I talk a lot, and can string two (or two thousand!) words together to make a sentence. But how I got involved with the food thing is a bit more fuzzy. Basically, it appears to have come down to two crucial facts:
1) Johnny needed someone to worry about planning the meals, munchies, and drinks during the shoot; and...
2) I was breathing.
At first I was just going to do the planning and buying before-hand, and have one or more PAs on-set do all "the heavy lifting" during the actual shoot. This would let me stay at work and perhaps just do a little coordinating by phone if necessary. But so often PAs end up being assigned to a dozen different tasks each day, and I got to worrying about how well things would go without at least one person on-set every day whose primary concern was just the food. I really wanted people to enjoy the whole “Rapture” eating experience, rather than viewing it merely as something that kept them from starving. This way, I figured people would feel comfortable, happy, and well-cared for. Then we'd be able to spring the trap! ...Um, I mean [ahem] then they'd be able to do their best work. And perhaps more importantly, I wanted an excuse to see the movie getting made, after helping to write the darn thing! So I told my boss I'd be taking the first two weeks of July as vacation, told Johnny he'd have to put up with seeing more of me than usual, and got ready for the full Hollywood...uh, I mean, Cleveland... film-making experience.
I figured that taking care of things like munchies and bottled water wouldn't be too hard, since I could start stocking up on such non-perishables well before shooting began. (My "secret identity" as an engineer makes me like handling as much as possible before-hand, so less can blow up...uh, I mean, go wrong... at the last minute.) But as the first day of filming approached, I was nervous about some of the meals we'd be providing. A budget like ours had limited funds for food, and even with significant culinary donations lined up by Johnny and others, we still had a number of meals that were simply marked as “Cookout” or “Pizza And Salad”, our two generic fill-in designations.
Depending too much on cookouts – especially when we were talking about Port Clinton -- left me uneasy because there’s so much “real time” stuff that can go wrong: You need someplace to set up, someone who (unlike myself, at the time) knows how to grill, weather that decides to cooperate, etc. And as for “Pizza And Salad”: Well, pizza is one of my favorite foods, but I wasn’t sure how happy other people would be to have it for three or four days of the shoot. And then there were the vegetarians to keep in mind. And my hope to be able to take a couple days off so I could actually get some sleep during my vacation. And how would we deal with leftovers? And how much ice would we need? And what if there wasn’t enough food? Or they hated it? Or got botulism? And what about that whole global warming thing, anyway? And…
…But as it turned out, all the meals got covered more-or-less okay. (We ended up only needing to depend on cookouts for the first two days. And rather than having too much pizza, I think people probably would have liked one more pizza meal than we had.) Everyone was so gracious, and I had so much help from so many quarters, that I needn’t have worried in the first place. (Well, except about global warming.) The aid I received started with several of our Associate Producers:
- Wayne Orris helped arrange for meals in Port Clinton (which was especially important since I wasn't going to be in P.C. until the last two days of shooting).
- Ray Elkin helped plan and organize, did tons of buying that I couldn't get around to (including "day of" buying), provided supplies and utensils, and did grilling and cooking on the first two days of the shoot, as well as providing home-cooked vegetarian and "fill-in" food for other days. Ray had to work his "day job" through most of the shoot, but was indispensable even then, as he'd drop off supplies or go shopping before going in to work, and if necessary, be available afterward to help. And the two days I wasn't in Port Clinton, he ran the show.
- Kyle Znamenak -- yes, that Kyle, one of the stars of the movie! –- was always there to help with anything and everything, when he wasn’t acting. (And he tried to help even when he was acting, ‘till we told him, “No! You’re an actor, today! …Besides, you’d get mustard on your costume.”) From doing the grilling when Ray wasn't there – yes, he grills meat, he just doesn’t eat it :) -- to lugging water and ice, to arranging & replenishing the food & coolers, to microwaving leftovers, to watching over everything while I was out getting more water/ice/fill-in-the-blank, Kyle always made me and Ray confident that he had our back. (To the point that he was very appropriately granted the Associate Producer title in appreciation.)
But the help didn’t stop with our Associate Producers. Karen Joyce, possessed of multiple talents (including acting and makeup) and a face as beautiful as her spirit, was always ready to jump in when Ray and Kyle weren’t available, washing the fresh fruit, helping me clean, replenishing the coolers, re-arranging the ‘fridge so we could fit more leftovers in it, and so forth. And when we had more leftovers than we could handle, Karen was able to take them to the women’s shelter where she volunteers her time, so they wouldn’t go to waste. (Which did almost as much to make me feel good as just having her around did.)
And of course, there was Todd Metzendorf, our multifaceted EMT who ended up filling and lugging around the coolers for our multiple-unit days in Port Clinton (as well as taking our final leftovers for the fire fighters so they wouldn't go to waste). And Annie Kitral – that's right, Annie! – who helped lay out the food on more than one occasion, and who continuously buoyed my spirits with her grace and good humor. And Andy Sokol, who donated his self-built grill to the movie. And Kathy Fitzgerald and Anne Dombrowski, each of whom provided fresh fruit for the cast. And all the guys who lugged stuff in from my over-stuffed car every morning. And everybody who was so generous with the “thank you”s each day. And so on, and so on, and so on. Not to mention the businesses that so generously donated delicious food to our cause: C & Y Chinese Restaurant in Cleveland, Angelina's Pizza in North Olmsted, and the Subway sandwich shop in Port Clinton. My sincerest thanks -- and Johnny's, as well -- go out to each of you, cast, crew, and supplier. (And anyone I've forgotten to mention specifically.)
Certainly, there were things that could have gone better. I still kick myself over not verifying that Unit 2’s Lunch leftovers were getting put on ice for Dinner, that one day. And the grilled chicken on Day 2 wasn’t as moist as it might have been. And the vegetarians didn’t have as much variety in their meals as I’d hoped. And maybe we could have done with a little more fried chicken or pizza in place of a couple other meals. And my peanut sauce still needs work, and the whole Deja Blue water thing is best left forgotten, and…
Oh well, at least no one starved.
As for myself, I've said it several times since then: Despite a few moments when I wasn't the happiest camper in the world, the shoot was simultaneously the least relaxing and the funnest vacation I've ever had.
I'll close (finally!) with a few miscellaneous observations, recollections, and recommendations for anyone who decides to handle Craft Services in the future:
- You'd be surprised how much crap you can cram into a Honda Civic.
- But it still won't be as much as you'd like.
- Bottledwaterbottledwaterbottledwaterbottledwater. Preferably spring over purified (but in any case not Deja Blue). Some of it frozen, most of it refrigerated, and a bit left at room temperature for those who prefer it that way. Try to think of replenishing the coolers constantly.
- Besides the water: Lemonade 'cause it's nummy, Gatorade 'cause electrolytes are cool, and regular & diet pop/soda, because we’re brainwashed by corporate advertising (and need caffeine on occasion).
- Disposable foil roasters for miscellaneous uses, such as holding leftovers in the fridge and presenting fresh fruit on ice. Speaking of which…
- Ice. LOTS of it (especially when it gets in the high eighties or nineties, as during the first four miserably hot & humid days). But not so much so early that you end up having to leave it out to melt. (Plan to make a second ice run later in the day.)
- Pans of some sort – those foil roasters work well -- to lay the extra ice in because you DID get too much of it too early and had to let some of it melt, you moron! ;)
- Granola bars, Nutri-Grain bars, and Pop Tarts are okay, but people will apparently beat their own grandmothers to death for a few choice Clif bars.
- Munchies in several varieties, but especially Scoops. (As in Fritos.)
- Dip. (See above.)
- There are relatively few problems in the world that can’t be solved by good fried chicken.
- Funny memory: Being able to rattle off a few lines of dialogue to clarify something, and having JP wonder why the Craft Services guy knew the script so well.
- Pleasant memory: [Too many to list. Here's one at random.] Bagels & cream cheese from Panera Bread in the parking lot, serendipitously making a frustrating situation a little more fun.
- Pleasanter memory: Pizza & pool on our day off.
- Pleasantest memory: The mini-wrap party at the bar, drinking amaretto sours and watching Johnny not be the sober one, for once.
- A Final Question: Anyone need three left-over bags of charcoal and some lighter fluid?
